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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I'm growing up?! HELP.

I didn't sign up for this!

Oh wait. I really didn't sign up for anything.

My 15th birthday is rapidly drawing close, and I'm freaking out. I've never been worried about growing up. I never fantasized about Neverland, and I never thought I would think differently. But there was an exact moment a few weeks ago where I went: "Oh, crap. I'm going to be fifteen in just over a month. That's a year away from sixteen. I'll have to get a job next year! I'll get my permit! I'll need to start saving for a car! I'm going to start college courses!!" And I decided I didn't want to turn fifteen.
Well, ok, I kind of do. But can I stay fifteen?
So I have a predicament. I'm now stressed out of my fourteen (almost) fifteen year old brain about getting older. I don't want responsibility! This is my last summer of freedom!

Maybe it won't be so bad when I get there. Maybe the freedom I'll have down the road when I can drive will make up for the next two years. Maybe having a summer job won't be horrific. But I still can't help but not feel ready, and slightly dread being sixteen and seventeen. Time will tell, I suppose.

Can anyone relate? Am I the only one scared out of my wits at growing up? Can you brave veterans who have made it through the years I'm dreading lessen my fears? I need support here, people!

Your (depressing. sorry) blogger,
-Felicia Kathryn xxx

9 comments:

  1. Hmm. You're supposed to have your mid-life crisis at forty, not fourteen. ;)
    I'm kidding. I've gone through several stages of this same worrying at various times too, like last week when I got this letter saying I was on the dean's list at my college. With the full-time students. *Insert freakout here*

    In short, this is totally normal, and don't sweat it, 'cos sweating is for grown-ups.
    Best of luck to you with your aging process, and don't worry, it happens to all of us.

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    1. Hey, in my defense, I'm halfway to thirty. I have the right. :P
      And thanks. ;)

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  2. Let me tell you, I'm 16 right now and the last year and a half have been the best years of my life so far. I've had a job for over a year now, and I love the responsibility and freedom it brings. Being able to drive is one of the best things about being a teen, don't worry about that. I'm starting dual enrollment at our community college this fall, so I can't give much advice on that end yet. ;)

    The next few years are going to be some of the best years of your life so far, I daresay, as you start to have lots of opprotunites to have freedom and responsibility, while still having your parents nearby. Enjoy it, and just take things one at a time. I can't wait to see where life takes you as you grow up! <3

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    1. Thank you, Chloe! :) I'm hoping that I'll be able to just enjoy the joys that like continues to bring me, and conquer the hardships. One of the reasons I feel so stressed about rapidly nearing adulthood is due to feeling pressured to grow even faster than I have; to get a job SOON, and buy a car SOON, and start college SOON. I'm a people pleaser, and that's something I feel like I'll really have to start working through as I grow older!

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  3. I can relate perfectly. I remember earlier this year several days that where some of the most depressing in my life. My fifteenth birthday was this April.
    Since I am just over fifteen myself, I am not exactly a "brave veteran"; I am more in the same boat with you. So, yes, I can relate perfectly. You know, I think part of the depression etc. about growing up is like tasting a fruit and moving on and being dead sure you will never, - never - taste it again. Of course, you won't die of this depression because further down the road there will be other fruits to taste, you will forget your troubles, like I've forgotten the great aversion I used to have to the word "teen". I cannot really help you with cars and colleges and responsibility etc. since I am not there myself yet (I wonder what the legal age for driving in Greece is - and I already kinda do work, i.e. helping my father with things, translating, etc., nothing formal though). But, for all my fears and depressions, I don't think my life has changed that much over the last three years of online classes (well, maybe except for super-late going-to-beds this year).
    Reading this blog reminded me that I am fifteen, and next year (in ten months) I will turn sixteen, and that's just one year before seventeen!!! (I'm doomed.) I believe a very good remedy, which, although it does not heal, at least offers relief, is forgetfulness. Forgetfulness of your age. Like distracting yourself during an εμβόλιο (which, according to Google, translates to "vaccine" *shrugs*) until it's over. Also, in your darkest moments of despair, remember Paradise and that there there will be no time, no change, no growing up. Last year in Catechism (Chloe will remember), Fr. Noah read to us from the end of the Revelation, where it describes the New Jerusalem (I don't remember the occasion). Read that too and cling to that to not lose all hope. Cling to the unchangeable, take refuge in prayer, I don't know what more to say.

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    1. Wow... I never can write short posts, can I? :)

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    2. Oops, I realised I was answering 'not wanting to let the past go', instead of 'fearing the future'... Pah, bother! *A*nyway, I hope it was still beneficial.

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    3. Gregory, your long, thoughtful, and encouraging comments are what a blogger lives for. Thank you, thank you for your words of wisdom! I can 1005 relate to your specific comment of "Reading this blog reminded me that I am fifteen, and next year (in ten months) I will turn sixteen, and that's just one year before seventeen!!! (I'm doomed." That is definelty the mental spiral I'm headed down. Because then at seventeen, that's only a year from eighteen, and then we'll be adults!! Now THAT is terrifying. But your words about clinging to the unchangeable and taking refuge in prayer will be what I'll live by these next few years. I shall make it my mission to focus on the good and the positive, and not freak out about being a grownup. Hopefully. ;)
      -Felicia

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Hello! Thanks for leaving a comment, you just made my day a little brighter. :)

-Felicia Kathryn xxx