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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Hi, I'm Felicia and I'm Socially Anxious.

I feel like if I introduced myself like this, it would explain any....weird, anti-social or awkward behavior.

Because I. Can't. Talk. To. People.

At least not without feeling like I've made a complete idiot of myself, getting flustered, and really embarrassed.


This is something that's been weighing somewhat heavily on my mind the last three days, and I don't know what to do about it. I have several ideas, such as

-Attempting to speak with more confidence (The whole "I Whistle a Happy Tune Theory. Yes, I just turned a song from a musical into a made up scientific theory. You're welcome.)
-Working more on not stressing about what other people are thinking while I'm speaking to them
-Doing something incredibly scary, and speaking without thinking.

This last one is by far the hardest and most terrifying. Even thinking about it makes my brain start screaming:
"NOOOOO FELICIA YOU MUST THINK ABOUT YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPEAK WHAT IF YOU SCREW EVERYTHING UP"

This may sound like no big deal, but I actually rehearse conversations with the cashier at the grocery store in my head.

Conclusion: Felicia hates talking to people and finds it terrifying. 

Unfortunately, the diagnosis is not locking myself away in a room with my cats for the rest of my life. I guess that's something I have to work on, then.

And upon further reflection, all this really ties in with other areas in my life. 

  • I'm a writer. Writing isn't a "live" circumstance; my words are carefully thought out and planned. 
  • I love acting, singing, Broadway dance, etc. And when acting on a stage, those aren't my own words. They're someone else's; a character's, and the way I'm going to deliver them is carefully rehearsed down to the last word. 
  • I'm a dancer. When dancing (so like, 80% of my waking hours ;) my body is doing the communicating. It's also something that is practiced and rehearsed until it becomes a part of my soul. 

Do any of you find human communication difficult? Or do you have other fears that you don't know how to face? 

Let's have a discussion in the comments. :) I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts!


Your blogger, 

-Felicia Kathryn xxx

7 comments:

  1. Wow. You might know already, but I'm a little too comfortable talking to anyone. I do rehearse how to talk to the cashier, but doesn't everyone? I did laugh when I read the conclusion, though. That's SO not what I think of you.

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    Replies
    1. Well, that's somewhat comforting. After talking with a couple people after posting this, I discovered that a lot of people are on the same page as yourself, and a lot of those who know me don't see me as someone terrified of verbal communication or confrontation. That is certainly comforting, and it's all internal and mental stuff that needs to be sorted out. xD
      Missing you,
      -Felicia

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  2. I have a mild form of Autism, so I can be incredibly socially anxious at times, but you eventually get comfortable with it at some point. I rehearse conversations as well, in my head--it's just a good way of figuring out things. There's nothing wrong with that. I know you've probably already heard this advice, but don't force yourself to fit in or try to sound "natural". Just be yourself--even if that person is awkward, weird, or isn't fully confident--and people will appreciate that. At least all the good people will--if anyone rejects you because you're different, than they're not worth knowing in the first place.

    Hoped that helped!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!I truly appreciate it. :)

      I totally understand what you're saying. And believe me when I say that I've thought long and hard before about some of the stuff you've said, and "being myself" is something that, while I can find it hard, I try to do in social situations. One of the reasons I HAVE this blog to begin with is because it's so much easier to express one's self on the internet, as well as not worry about what others may think.
      Thanks again.
      -Felicia

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  3. I can totally relate! I am so much better at communicating my thoughts on paper. I would wager that MOST people are better communicators when they've had time to process, so you're definitely not alone. Finding your own communication style is also something everyone goes through, and finding self worth within the response you get is part of human nature. As much as I would love to say "don't care what other people think," I believe it's important to convey whatever it is you want to say in a meaningful and concise way. Of course that isn't always possible, but writers also tend toward perfectionism which has its benefits as well as its negative effects. All I can say is: appreciate your wordy nature and find the balance within yourself. Don't be scared of what people have to say, and remember that everyone has their own perspective. Take it with a grain of salt, as they say.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can totally relate! I am so much better at communicating my thoughts on paper. I would wager that MOST people are better communicators when they've had time to process, so you're definitely not alone. Finding your own communication style is also something everyone goes through, and finding self worth within the response you get is part of human nature. As much as I would love to say "don't care what other people think," I believe it's important to convey whatever it is you want to say in a meaningful and concise way. Of course that isn't always possible, but writers also tend toward perfectionism which has its benefits as well as its negative effects. All I can say is: appreciate your wordy nature and find the balance within yourself. Don't be scared of what people have to say, and remember that everyone has their own perspective. Take it with a grain of salt, as they say.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comment and wisdom, Alyssa! It's true; I am most definitely a perfectionist. :P And I've also definitely struggled with the pros and cons of both. But I love what you said about " Finding your own communication style is also something everyone goes through, and finding self worth within the response you get is part of human nature" :)

      -Felicia Kathryn xxx

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Hello! Thanks for leaving a comment, you just made my day a little brighter. :)

-Felicia Kathryn xxx